What to think?

Dear Mr.NSN i missed you so much. I totally forgot you were alive. I don't listen to much music anymore. 

I'm not sure if i should think this song is related to the Illuminati or if its just a coincidence? 

But may i say its a pretty decent song

♥

I like! 

Dashala

Uhhmm.. (trying to clear my throat so i can explain this) 

This here is my new friend Dashala! Lmfao

I told her that i pictured her like a black girl. I think today we had one of the best convos ever (=

I never really talked to her until today and trust me shes a total bad ass! I thought people couldn't be nice anymore but this person oo shes far from nice! Lol

I told her lots and i don't even know her that much but she didn't judge me.

Shes my imaginary fweeennd -_- (shhh dont tell her i said that)

We had a nice convo about boys. One in particular. 

You made me feel like i had some backup.

Thanks so much! 

I bet we can be great buds.

Yo! 

You say yo a lot by the way.

=)

P.s Ohhhhh Mr.Kraaaabbbssss I'veeeeee gooottt an idddeeeaaaa! 

P.ps I told you black girls had donks. Just like you

(;

This is for you...

Nice gals finish last?

Have you ever heard the saying "Nice guys finish last?" well in my case I'm a girl, so i decided to change it to gal?
Perhaps i do consider myself as being a guy?
Point is, is that how nice do i have to be, to be considered a nice person? Sometimes i sit around asking myself why I'm so nice to people? I don't get much out of it. I hate myself for not being able to say no when someone needs a favor and when i turn to that person they throw everything at my face. Its as if i had all the time in the world to do things that arnt even mine but people never have time to help me with something i need help on. 

When I'm gone will people miss me? 

Will you even cry? 

Sometimes i feel like everyone just uses me. My parents, friends, bf. 

Its as if i had a big sign on my forehead that said "STUPID" I'm not so stupid as everyone thinks. 

I'm not here for you just to use. 

I'm not a rag to wipe away the mess you created. 

I don't think anyone knows what its like to be me. 

To wake up in the middle of the night because who i am eats me up inside out. 

Everyone thinks they can judge me because of how i look. 

But ask yourself.. Have you ever even bothered to ask me whats wrong... 

When life gives you dilemmas make dilemanades

This post has NOTHING to do with the title. But I'd thought that it made a great title. Those words are one of my bestest friends Aza's! Who did i mention is going to some pretty tough dilemmas himself?
 I guess the topic of the day is jealousy.. and that my friend is the start to every bad relationship. A relationship isn't complete without trust? Whats there to be jealous about? If your with that person you should be proud that no one else is with them. Not check up on them every so often because you think there going to go off and do something bad. I mean why would you be with someone if all you do is fight and you cant trust them. If your with them its for a reason. Good or bad, treat other how you want to be treated. If you expect your girlfriend or boyfriend not to talk to anyone expect the same for yourself. Don't check up on them when your the one that's talking to other girls or boys. That just makes you look like the biggest dick ever. Its as if you can cheat on them and everything would be fine but they cant move a finger or its something really bad. In my opinion if i ever wanted to cheat on someone i would never even think about cheating i would just break up with them period.
 A relationship is made up of two people.. not one. Nobody should be the jerk and rely on their boyfriend/girlfriend for everything. Just because your not lovey dovey doesn't mean  that you have to be mean. It doesn't mean that you cant be the nice one for one night. Because one day your going to turn around and that person that you think you so love isn't going to be next to you anymore.
 Jealousy is the most awful thing someone can feel. Its not right to check someones phone or check them from head to toe. If you know there not doing anything there is no reason why to act that way.
 Nobody should change because someone is asking them to. Don't let go of your best friends just because your bf/gf told you to. You might think you love the person with all your heart but that person might not even be who they appear to be. Love might not even be love and its obsession. Nothing lasts forever.
They say real girls ain't never perfect, perfect girls ain't real-Drake♥


P.s not only girls.. boys too </3

Lust or love

Sometimes i wonder. I sit there and think, think of all the stupid things you've done to me and i ask myself why am i still with you.. You know your a liar. You talked to girls and through the whole time I've been in a relationship with you, you have lied to me consistently. Its not very smart to make all your passwords your DOB. Hot mail saves a lot you know? From calling girls pretty to giving out your number and you still lied.. I consider myself strong in many ways but in this one stupid. Because i let it pass by. I guess i was the fool. You use the same excuse but have i ever started talking to a guy first? Have i ever wanted something with them.. No. On the other hand you have. I feel so disrespected but next to you i am a prisoner someone who's just waiting for that moment, the day where i tell myself "Stop" because i don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be mistreated. I have closed myself on everything else just for you and what have you ever given me? Not one thing in return. I get so jealous when girls talk about there boyfriends, how nice they are. What could i say about you? "Oo yeah girls Alhdo is so nice!".. -_- That's almost as bad as the lie you told me "I've never talked to girls while i was with you"
 Is it something else your looking for here? Because i don't think i have it. You don't care much about me. I asked for help and you tell me i need to get layed.. I thought you were different. I thought i could trust you. I'm so stupid for holding on but the only reason I've held on for so long is because i think of the memories I've had with you. I'm not sure what your trying to get out of this relationship but I'm getting tired.
 We can never talk about these things without fighting. When i ask you "why arnt you nice to me?" you respond "because I'm not stupid" well Alhdo I'm not stupid either. I'm not going to let you step all over me.
 Your everything i ever wanted but who you are doesn't match up to you. Why cant you be nice. Why cant you listen. Why cant you ask whats wrong? Tell me nice things. Give me nice things? You always would tell me "Dude i treated Yesi like shit" so I'm guessing your next girl your going to say "Dude i treated Areli like shit"
 I wonder what i ever did to you to deserve this. I've been completely faithful to you. If i talked to a guy it would be like committing murder but you talked to girls behind my back and everything was fine?
 This is just what i truly think about you i don't want you getting mad. I see you different but i love you the same. You didn't move one finger for our one year. You didn't even remember..
 We don't have the time to fight right now you know what were going through right now and i just want everything to stop. I want you to treat me nicely...
 I want to be the only girl and the reason why you wake up in the morning.. I know your response to that though "Then find someone else".. and that's what i mean by your mean.
 Why cant you just be someone else...
I LOVE YOU

Don't call girls pretty

My day consist of judging myself. Why can't i be pretty? Why can't i be thin? Why can't i have the ideal body.. Big butt big boobs thin waist.
 I guess at times i wish i was white? White girls always have to be pretty. White girls can wear anything and look fantastic. Not offending any other raise.
 I'm not happy in the body i live in and no one sees it or cares to ask if I'm doing fine.It seems as if i just don't matter for anyone? Nobody ever cares to listen. But at times i really wish someone would.
 I close myself off in a shell. I cant love me for myself. I'm too scared to look in the mirror and see the same face i saw not so long ago.
 I have a big forehead which makes my head look long?! And have i talked about my nose? I don't even like hitting that topic because it just makes me cry.
 When i look into the mirror all i see is this short Mexican fat ugly girl.
 I don't think people know how much i hate it when they call girls pretty or hot in front of me. It makes me wish i had their futures. I wish i could be just like them. When ever Alhdo calls a girl pretty it lowers my self esteem and makes the rest of the day one big piece of poop.
 I'm so caught up with me being ugly all those times I've caught him talking to girls i cave in. Ive always known he talks to girls but never really said anything. I blame myself. I hurt myself because i cant be pretty.
 My whole world just involves around that word PRETTY i would do anything in the world to just live in a pretty girls body. I don't think people see how much this really does affect me.
 No one bothers to ask,,,